I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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