So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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