I cannot find my penis.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
