That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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