what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
