i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
