My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
