at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
