Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
