I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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