Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Is it penis luge time yet?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
