I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
