Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
