Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
