You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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