So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
