OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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