We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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