he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
