You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
