New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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