Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
