you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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