When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
