The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
