You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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