oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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