with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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