So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
