No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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