They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
