I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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