My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
