One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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