I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
