Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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