Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
