1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
