dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
