Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
