Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
