how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize