When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
