How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
