I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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