By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Who died my cat blue again?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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