I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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