saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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