3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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