i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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