final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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