you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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