So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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