I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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