I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize