I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
last night I used snow as a chaser
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
