i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
