I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
