Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He felt like a one man threesome
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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