You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize