Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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