So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
