thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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