I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
