I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
