You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Everclear isn't food dammit
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
