i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
